Learning to Accept Yourself

Growing up I always sort of felt like I never fit in, as if my thoughts and feelings couldn’t compare to anyone else’s in my life, in school particularly. Even though this is the case for so many girls, at the time it didn’t feel that way. Most of us are very internal. I wasn’t considered “popular” or well known amongst my peers, even though my class only consisted of about 100 kids. I was shy, reclusive, and always a bit to concerned about how I measured up to others, or what they thought of me. I wasn’t the kid who raised their hand in class when I knew the answer to a question, or was the superstar athlete, or had the fanciest clothes to show off. But, I was an active member of the dance and golf team, got good grades, and was voted most changed in high school.

With that said, the challenge with achieving confidence now is far worse than what I would have considered harsh while I was in school for today’s kids. With the rise of social media and access to so many electronic outlets, the emphasis on the importance of beauty, what name brand your wearing, how much money you make, or how many friends you have on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, has become far more important than just learning to accept ourselves for who we are. We have begun to determine our self-worth from other people’s perception of us, their judgment, or an irrelevant number that we somehow have come to think defines our self-worth.

The truth is, I don’t think very many of us will ever come to a complete and total acceptance of ourselves. There will always be someone who is prettier, richer, has a better job, or someone who has more likes or followers…or what-have-you. That’s just the harsh reality.

Now that I’m the mother of two girls myself, my perception of what’s important about acceptance has indeed shifted. It almost makes me want to go back in time and slap my younger self out of all those degrading thoughts I once had. I’m not saying that you have to have kids to learn to start accepting yourself for who you are, that’s just how it suddenly came about for me. Which is sad really, to think I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about what other’s think when the only person’s thoughts and opinions who ever truly mattered was my family and God’s.

When I think of it, I probably have at most three close friends who aren’t relatives, and that’s ok, because as I get older, I realize that it’s not the number of acquaintances you have that matters, it’s the true and honest friendships you develop.

As for social media, Instagram has been somewhat of a drug for me in recent times. I won’t deny that I still struggle with showing my face straight on in a shot, and it bothers me when I go back and re-edit a photo that I’ve already posted when I think it’s better than the original. I fall victim to that rush of satisfaction when a photo I post is liked, and I won’t deny the smile that comes across my face when a photo I’ve worked hard on gets featured or I’m asked to review or include products in my posts. I get followed and “unfollowed” everyday sometimes the later more often than not, either because I don’t follow back or they just aren’t interested in my posts, and that’s OK!  I’m posting things that make ME happy as somewhat of a photo journal. I’ve meet wonderful people through that little app and if I’ve impacted one or two people myself that’s a major accomplishment.

I once came across an article written by Maureen O’Connor entitled “Addicted to Likes: How Social Media Makes Us Needier,” in which was wrote:

“What looks like — and perhaps started as — vanity showmanship is now a deep desire for validation,” Ford’s 2014 consumer trend report theorized, pointing to 62 percent of adults worldwide who report better self-esteem after positive social-media feedback. “Our online persona is needier than our real one,” The Wall Street Journal’s Tom Gara concluded.”

I mean isn’t that awful? That we have come to think that we are defined by a number for validation and increased self-esteem? There are so many high standards today on what makes a person pretty, well-liked, successful, or “cool.” The media is an evil culprit that emphasizes false fallacies on what others should perceive as acceptable.

With two daughters myself now, I fear for them socially, physically, and mentally as they grow older. But I will certainly be teaching them the importance of self-worth, accepting themselves and others, and most importantly in just being themselves and to not harbor on what other people think.

So if you take away anything today from the post, remember this:

•  Do what makes YOU happy and others will follow. When people see that your confident and happy, it radiates.
•  EVERYONE compares themselves to other people, it’s human nature, just don’t let it consume you.
• Forgive yourself for past mistakes and failures, and when you start feeling down on yourself do something that makes you feel good about yourself, whether it be a hobby such as drawing, writing, helping others, or heck even shopping!
• Think of all the accomplishments that you’ve made thus far and appreciate and grow from them!
• Accept that not everyone is going to like you. Whether it be for trivial reasons or for no reason at all. That’s just life. Just don’t forget to kill em’ with kindness anyways.

If I’ve gotten even one or two people to read this all the way through and taken something away from it I’ve done good. So know that YOU are important, YOU are loved, YOU are good enough, and don’t let anyone else ever tell you otherwise.

“When I accept myself, I am freed from the burden of needing you to accept me.” -Dr. Steve Maraboli