Postpartum Anxiety & Panic

Blurred Vision

Trouble Focusing

Memory Problems

Dizziness

Heart Palpitations

Feeling Off-Centered

Feeling Disassociated

Fear of Dying

Fear of Something Happening to Your Kids

Fear of Something Happening to Your Loved Ones

Fear of Losing Control

Feeling Like Your Brain is Shutting Down

Feeling Like Your Heart Could Stop at Any Second

……And quite frankly

Feeling like your going CRAZY!

But depressed….NOPE not at all…in fact your quite happy, absolutely in love with your new baby. You feel as though you try and savor every minute of them because the thought of them growing up so fast is just unbearable (more so after your first child once you realize how fast it goes). But your typical symptoms on your doctors postpartum depression questionarres…nope you don’t fit the bill. So why then is the issue of Postpartum Anxiety and in my case Postpartum Panic Disorder so less talked about and difficult to find information on? You may find yourself googling and going insane with questions and of course be asking yourself, “am I alone in this?”, and NO you are not!

Back Story:

I waited for it patiently this time…for that intense feeling of uncontrollable physical symptoms and anxiety that my mind could not seem to get control of three months postpartum. The immense feeling of “am I losing my mind here?” I’m talking about postpartum PANIC and anxiety.

You go to your routine check ups: your six week postpartum appointment, your child’s peditriation appts…and they have you fill out those screening questionnaires to see if you’re experiencing signs of postpartum depression. But few questions address the physical symptoms rather than the emotional.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety since I was a child, but I wasn’t actually prescribed medication for it until I was a sophomore in High School. Back then I was also depressed so I know the difference quite considerably. The depression seemed to be your typical high school stuff, but for the next few years I was on and off of medication and counseling for severe anxiety.

When I became pregnant with my first child I was taking both a low dose antidepressant and anxiety medication. But when the doctor said it wasn’t safe to take the medication while pregnant I quit them cold turkey. I struggled for a few weeks as my body adjusted but after that it was as if I never needed it. I went the entire pregnancy without taking a thing and felt completely fine! Pregnancy seemed to make me feel “normal” mentally for the most part which was crazy to me.

So there I was enjoying my beautiful new baby as happy as can be when around three months postpartum it was as if something snapped in me! I began feeling immensely the symptoms described above and no matter how hard I tried to control it, there was nothing I could do to combat the physical feelings.

My vision started getting bad, I felt dizzy and off-centured,I began panicking for no reason at all during the day and having panic attacks at work…Even starting at my phone for two long would mess me up! It was just awful and no amount of googling seemed to give me answers.

So I went to the eye doctor (he said I looked fine, just your typical eye change), to a cardiologist (also all ok, minus a minor heart murmur), then to my PCP who had me do so much blood work that all came back normal and she suggested it was just postpartum depression….but all I kept repeating to her was, “I’m not depressed!” But they prescribed me some zoloft and anti-anxiety meds anyways and I thought at this point, “ok, whatever helps!”

I still struggled for the next few months but it was tolerable. At five months postpartum, my period came back and I finally started feeling like my old self again. But those few months was such as struggle! I remember thinking I didn’t ever want to relive the way I felt again. Until I had my second child and like clockwork it all began again. Now on my third, I knew I was defiantly going to struggle.

Third Time Attacks:

This third time around has certainly been the hardest and I’m sure it’s because I’m older now. For the past couple of months now I’ve been struggling silently which is partially why I’ve been so absent from blogging and social media.

My panic attacks this time began during the night. I would wake up from a deep sleep to feeling like I was having a heart attack. All throughout the day I would feel as though I was out of it, the anxiety would creep up on me out of nowhere sitting on the couch or in one of my scariest scenarios ever…while driving!

I was driving the girls around in the car to get them to all nap, and of course I was on the freeway of all places…I actually felt as though I was having a good day when all of the sudden I started having tunnel vision, like I was fainting but I was aware! With my three girls in the back seat I panicked! I began slapping my face, pinching myself and struggling to get myself under control. I couldn’t pull over because we were right by an exit bridge and I thought “I’m going to have to call 911!” As I finally managed to pull of the side of the road I started to come too. But I had never been so frightened. I thought about calling a friend or family member to come over to just “be there” with me because I was so afraid that it would happen again and that this time I would actually pass out!

Coinsidentaly, the very next day I had a cardiologist appt for my yearly checkups and they insisted that my heart looked fine which ruled that out. So again, I found myself calling up my PCP and begging to get in so they could take my blood work and make sure that was all good. And, again thankfully it was.

As much as I didn’t want the medication, as much as I’ve tried to fight it with every ounce in me, this uncontrollable postpartum anxiety, I’ve given in….because I just couldn’t spend another day feeling like I couldn’t get a grip on myself. And as much as others may say medication is NOT the answer at this point it’s helping.

Other Things That Have Helped

Aside from medication, other alternatives that I’ve found to help is:

Seeing a Chiropractor – having the nervous system aligned and supported is so beneficial. According to Arcadia Health and Wellness, ” Our moods are regulated by our body’s chemistry. This chemistry in your organs as well as your brain is all regulated by the nervous system. Misalignment of the spine (specifically the first, second or third vertebrae) can cause pressure in the area of the brain steam which can cause interference neurologically and chemically.  Often people turn to medications that are used to alter their brain chemistry but those looking for a non-medication therapy often find that re-aligning these vertebrae can do wonders for their mental state.”

Eating Healthy – this is a no brainer when your struggling with so many health issues. Eating a well balanced diet and reframing from foods that have preservatives and added sugars is just essential considering that the gut makes up 95% of your serotonin levels (remember serotonin is a neurotransmitter that we all have and is contributed to feelings of well-being and happiness).

Meditation – coming from a background in Complementary and Alternative Health, I’m clearly aware of the benefits of using holistic healing practices. The mind-body relationship is still something I’m learning more about but that’s why the use of such practices as acupuncture, reflexology, yoga, and others are so talked about amongst health enthusiasts. Meditation being particularly beneficial to those who suffer from anxiety.

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So I want other woman to know that it’s ok to ask for help! You are not alone in these crazy feelings, these uncontrollable anxious thoughts, and these severely uncomfortable physical postpartum symptoms. Having a baby is such an AMAZING blessing, but it does come with its struggles for a fair share of woman. If you can’t get a grasp on things, seek out help! It’s ok and better a healthy mama physically and mentally than one who isn’t for your little gift.

If you suffer from similar symptoms or have struggled in the past let’s chat! And if you know anyone who’s struggling please share because I can’t tell you how helpful it is to just be able to know your not alone.

xoxo